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Pam Ann answers our most burning questions

comedy Jun 22, 2020

The high-flying air-hostess has travelled on Elton John's private jet, attended the 40th birthday party of said celebrity's husband, lived in all corners of the world and counts Madonna (among others) as one of her fans. Camp, catty and hilariously captivating, Pam Ann has a unique perspective on life as we know it right now. We caught up with her ahead of her TIX Presents show for a bit of life advice and a chat.

What does a day in the life of a flight attendant look like?
With most flight attendants furloughed and at home, it looks a bit like this:
Sleep, drink, bitch REPEAT!

What are your crystal ball predictions for travel in 2021?
Jetstar will take the wings off their planes and start using large rubber bands to sling shot their planes from Sydney to Melbourne in order to save money on fuel. Qantas will take their seats out of their economy cabins and install exercise bikes which will generate the movies in the first-class cabins. Tiger Air will be renamed COVID-AIR.

Wills & Kate or Harry & Meghan?
Keep calm and carry on Wills and Kate.

The most debauched incident you’ve seen on a flight?
Probably when I was drunk and high on a Qantas flight from Sydney to New York. I lost my Sennheiser headphones in my business class seat, snogged the passenger next to me, visited the cockpit on landing, took photos with all of the crew and when I woke up the next day, I didn’t remember how I got home so I had to look at my camera roll.

One fascinating aeroplane fact?
The oxygen in an airplane’s emergency oxygen masks lasts for only about 15 minutes but on Pam Ann Airlines we have karaoke microphones – pull down firmly and sing normally.

Fashion tips for travellers?
Masks are the fashion of 2020 – it’s a must-have, so make it chic. Don’t rely on the airlines to have one that’s fashion forward so take your own, and when boarding a Boeing you must travel with style, class and glamour, no flip flops please!

What’s one thing you’ve always wished you could say to a celebrity?
Are you ok?

Thoughts on the mile-high club?
I founded it!

Have you ever made anyone cry?
Every day.

What kind of debauchery and fabulousness can we expect from your show?
Chicken or bat? I’ll be recapping the year so far and trying to predict the months to come in the world of air travel and social distancing, along with a big dose of celebrity gossip, Pam’s pet peeves, Pam-O-Scopes and much more. So pour yourself a big glass of I don’t give a f*ck and GET READY TO FLY bitches!

Pam Ann will be live-streaming from Miami on Thursday 2 July. Tickets are based on a 'Choose What You Pay' model and start from $15 with 100% of profits going to the artist; don't miss this one-off event!

Catherine Mah

Catherine likes to run, eat and read but not simultaneously. If you can't find her doing these things, she's most likely sleeping.